You have ravaged my family. You’ve stolen my grandparents, you’ve harassed my aunts, uncles, my father and my friends – and you’re taking my Aunt. You’re like a thief, coming in and taking what you have no right to. Taking away not just their health, but the qualities that made them who they were. You have cast a shadow over our lives – we’ve learned to live in fear of you. You silently creep in, eating up the healthy tissues and replacing it with contaminated tumors.
I hate you. I have nothing more to offer than that. There is no one that can be blamed for the lives you take. Not a drunk driver, or old age, not an accident or misstep…you just come and rob us of those we love.
As I write this, my aunt is lying in a hospital bed, trying to fight you. It’s a battle we all know that she cannot win. You’ve embedded yourself so deeply into her tiny body that there’s really nothing we can do other than help her to manage her pain and offer comforting words. I want to scream, to shout – I want to blame someone, somewhere for what you’re doing…but what good can it do? It does nothing. There is no rhyme or reason to what you do and who you take – and I hate that.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I. Hate. You.
I first wrote this post last week. I was mad and hurting and full of hate. I took it down because…well…it just really wasn’t what I wanted as a lasting legacy to my aunt. Some hate-filled post spewing anger and pain…no, I don’t want that.
My Aunt passed away on Monday. We didn’t visit or even talk very often, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love her. It’s actually sad that as a family, we don’t get together more, because we really are great people, quirks and all. My aunt was the kind of person who wouldn’t take any crap from anyone, and was sure to tell you what she thought (sound like anyone you know?) She was a tiny person with a giant personality, quick wit, and filled with spunk. She will be missed.
I wish I could understand cancer. There are horrible things in this world that may be ugly, but there’s an explanation to them; earthquakes, tornadoes, even car accidents – there is a science behind them all that my mind can grasp. Cancer though…it just takes you. Why it takes one person and not another makes no sense to me. Why it takes children, babies even…I just don’t understand it.
As a person of faith, I believe in God – I may not understand His workings, but I still believe in Him. I may not understand the trials that He places in our lives, but I do my best to accept them and learn from them.
We have a saying in Islam, “To God we belong, and to Him we return.”
I don’t say it often enough so I’m saying it here – to all my family; my aunts, uncles, cousins….everyone: I love you and I’m glad that you all are in my life.