I hate you, Cancer

Dear Cancer,

You have ravaged my family.  You’ve stolen my grandparents, you’ve harassed my aunts, uncles, my father and  my friends – and you’re taking my Aunt. You’re like a thief, coming in and taking what you have no right to.  Taking away not just their health, but the qualities that made them who they were.  You have cast a shadow over our lives – we’ve learned to live in fear of you.  You silently creep in, eating up the healthy tissues and replacing it with contaminated tumors.

I hate you.  I have nothing more to offer than that.  There is no one that can be blamed for the lives you take.  Not a drunk driver, or old age, not an accident or misstep…you just come and rob us of those we love.

As I write this, my aunt is lying in a hospital bed, trying to fight you.  It’s a battle we all know that she cannot win.  You’ve embedded yourself so deeply into her tiny body that there’s really nothing we can do other than help her to manage her pain and offer comforting words.  I want to scream, to shout – I want to blame someone, somewhere for what you’re doing…but what good can it do?  It does nothing.  There is no rhyme or reason to what you do and who you take – and I hate that.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I.  Hate.  You.

 

Update:

I first wrote this post last week. I was mad and hurting and full of hate.  I took it down because…well…it just really wasn’t what I wanted as a lasting legacy to my aunt.  Some hate-filled post spewing anger and pain…no, I don’t want that.

My Aunt passed away on Monday.  We didn’t visit or even talk very often, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love her.  It’s actually sad that as a family, we don’t get together more, because we really are great people, quirks and all.  My aunt was the kind of person who wouldn’t take any crap from anyone, and was sure to tell you what she thought (sound like anyone you know?)  She was a tiny person with a giant personality, quick wit, and filled with spunk.  She will be missed.

I wish I could understand cancer.  There are horrible things in this world that may be ugly, but there’s an explanation to them; earthquakes, tornadoes, even car accidents – there is a science behind them all that my mind can grasp.  Cancer though…it just takes you.  Why it takes one person and not another makes no sense to me.  Why it takes children, babies even…I just don’t understand it.

As a person of faith, I believe in God – I may not understand His workings, but I still believe in Him.  I may not understand the trials that He places in our lives, but I do my best to accept them and learn from them.

We have a saying in Islam, “To God we belong, and to Him we return.”

I don’t say it often enough so I’m saying it here – to all my family; my aunts, uncles, cousins….everyone:  I love you and I’m glad that you all are in my life.

Remembering Dianne

This entry was posted in Delusional Mom, Faith, family, Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to I hate you, Cancer

  1. Jocelyn says:

    Well said.

  2. Bree says:

    I understand how you feel. Someone very near and dear to me passed away awhile ago, and I’m still struggling with it. I am a firm believer in fate and God and I know he works in mysterious ways. I don’t really understand His ways, but I know that with our faith in Him we can heal. I’m praying for your family. :)

  3. Kathy Grill says:

    Heather, this brought tears to my eyes. I am with you in having a complete non-understanding of cancer. I have not yet lost any family members to this horrid ‘thing’ (is the only word I can give it) but I have lost plenty of friends as well as, as you say, have had many tormented by this ‘thing’.

    Your aunt sounds like a wonderful person. May you have joy in the memory of her wit and joyful personality, as you travel this road of sorrow and despair.

    “To God we belong, and to Him we return”.

    May peace be with you and your family …

  4. Penny says:

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I also know what you are speaking of, thank you for expressing the words I could not find. Peace be upon you and your family. Praying for you all.

  5. Sea says:

    So sorry to hear about your aunt! Inshallah she’s in a better place now. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajioon.

  6. yum says:

    Brought me tears! Stay strong x

  7. Nusrat says:

    So sorry to hear about ur aunt. Praying for her and your family.x

  8. Sarah says:

    Cancer does have a scientific explanation behind it. It’s very well understood how tumors start.

    Keeping it simplified: cancer is unregulated cell growth caused by mutation(s) in the regulatory portions of your DNA. The cells grow and divide so quickly that they don’t have time to differentiate and actually be of use to the body. So over time they take up more and more space that normal functioning cells would have. This leads to organs not being able to function properly, which causes pain and death.

    So now you might ask why the mutations happen. There are many reasons. Some happen naturally when you DNA replicates for cell division, but many of these mistakes are corrected by the cell itself before they cause problems. There are also free radicals in our bodies that can cause damage to the DNA. Eating plenty of antioxidants will take care of them. The radiation in the sun’s rays will also cause DNA mutations. So staying covered up or putting on suntan lotion helps with that. Some ingredients in processed foods are also suspected carcinogens, but people nowadays don’t seem to care about checking everything on the ingredients list. If only more people knew…

  9. Malysha says:

    Assalamualaikum.. I’m a fellow muslim from Indonesia :) I got to know your blog from recent encounter of Ms.Amena’s youtube channel and I had to say you both are really amazing and inspiring people, I’d love to catch up and follow more of your posts and someday i hope i could follow your step being active in the cyber world and being consistent to feed constant learning through blog/vlog posts :) its awesome!
    First off, I’m sorry to hear about your aunt, it must have been hard having lost beloved relatives from cancer; there’s no harm in doing a little venting out, it’s really understandable imo.
    Anyways being a passive silent surfer of the net this whole time have made myself the kind of person who never really post any blogs or left any comments of some sorts.. but reading this post, i can’t help but leaving this comment in the hope of spreading the spirit to anyone out there facing cancer to not to feel dispirited or feel slowly robbed away, because cancer is not undefeatable afterall. Having a sister (http://www.facebook.com/cory.sha )who’s a journalist for a news tv station here in Indonesia(Metro tv), makes me see things that i havent been able to see before, one of it being: the fact of the optimistic chance to survive from cancer. So apparently scientific studies resulting in harmless treatments of cancer is actually available out there. One time my sister got to interview dr. Warsito, inventor of ecvt a kind of tomography that can eliminate cancerous cells without further harming the healthy cells,( can also be seen in http://id.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warsito ) she got to know that there are many survivors out there benefited from it, and then in another opportunity she got to interview a food combining practitioners whose mother was actually a survivor by doing a set of treatment one of which was staying off any kind processed food and pharmaceuticals and basically got back to nature of healthy diet from raw food..
    So after all it seems like cancer is not impossible to defeat anyway. So basically; have faith and stay strong people!

    Ps. Oops I’m sorry if this is super long.. Rummaging and jumbling Ms.Heather’s blog (being the noob commenter I am) :3 I don’t know much about cancer but i’m just trying to pass on what i know of, Anyways, hope this isn’t too bothersome and can actually be useful and informational in any ways *Insha Allah*

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