I’m all backed up

In case you all haven’t noticed, it’s been eerily silent over here.  I have things to write (God, you should see my drafts folder) but I’m trapped lately.  Stopped up as efficiently as a river with a dam.

This seems to happen to me every once and a while – and I’ve begun to notice a pattern…without writing, I lose a little bit of myself, I get sad, mopey, whiny, selfish…I feel this insane need to write – but by that time I can’t think of anything nice to say (and I’m sure that a profanity, hate-filled blog would go over like a dead balloon) and so I don’t write and then the viscous circle starts.

I’ve danced around the topic of depression before – A stealthy little bugger that you don’t realize is there until it’s too late.  I knew that I was wallowing in it for a while now…I even mentioned it to my close friends – tried my best to claw my way out…but it hasn’t worked.

Then, my brother (who also suffers with depression) posted this link.  A game about depression? I thought – how stupid.

But I clicked.

And I cried.

I saw myself in there.  I saw myself suffering silently – telling people I’m fine when really I just want to scream that I’m a shell of a human being walking around without feeling or hope.

Then, I made an appointment with my doctor.  I’ve had enough of trying to get over this by thinking positive and eating right.  There’s something WRONG here and it needs to be fixed.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

5 thoughts on “I’m all backed up”

  1. Salam, I’m in the same place…and I have a therapist. Yeah, yeah I sent her (what I thought was) a desperate email for help 2 weeks ago. Then I called her office and left a message and her assistant told me she would give her the message…still no word. Then Friday (yesterday) I had a message confirming my appointment for Monday morning…Good thing I wasn’t feeling suicidal!(note sarcasm). Maybe I just need a new therapist. But I’ve been seeing her for the past 8 years and I don’t want someone new. Anyway, sorry, I just realized I was ranting…New Muslimah blues I guess…may Allah (swt) be with us both and ALL those who are suffering. Amen.

  2. Dearest sister, you are not on your own, every person has their trials, I found the following, hope it helps, life is a struggle and this helps a lot… I have to remind myself each day and makes things easier during the day 🙂

    .. Feeling down in the dumps, depressed, having the blues: these are just some of the terms used to describe a feeling of hopelessness and despair that can hit even the most optimistic of us at some point in our lives. While clinical depression requires proper professional treatment, the occasional feeling of sadness due to factors ranging from economic difficulty to harassment and discrimination can be helped through some simple spiritual practices. Here are a couple that can help:

    1. Look at those below you

    The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “Whenever you see someone better than you in wealth, face or figure, you should look at someone who is inferior to you in these respects” (Bukhari, Muslim). If you are reading this article online, consider this: you are one of the lucky set of human beings on the planet who can afford a computer and internet connection or at least have access to one. The United Nations Development Program’s 2007 Human Development Report notes that there are still around 1 billion people living worldwide at the margins of survival on less than $1 a day, with 2.6 billion living on less than $2 a day. Also consider that in the Quran (14:7), God says that if you are thankful to Him for what you have, He blesses you with more.

    2. Serve your fellow human beings

    The best way to thank God is to serve humanity, especially those who have less than you. Serving others is uplifting and rewarding. It helps us gain a better perspective on life’s challenges, making us realize how very often, are problems seem so small compared to the awesome difficulties others face. That’s why when the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, and the Muslims were a small, poor and persecuted community, they used to give to the poor even more. They understood that when you are generous when you have less, you achieve the perspective of a winner. You are focused on the bigger picture.

    3. Read Surah Ad Duha

    According to one report, after the Prophet had begun receiving revelation from God, at one point a long period of time passed with no such communication from Allah. As a result, the Makkans ridiculed the Prophet and he became severely depressed. That’s when this chapter was revealed (Quran 93: 1-11). The chapter is a beautiful reminder to us to see life in the greater scheme of things, to be grateful for what we have and to never give up striving for what is right. This chapter of the Quran can be considered a direct recipe from God for depression.

    4. Turn to God in all situations

    Remember that nothing can harm you without the consent of God. While you must take care of yourself, rely on God and know that He is always with you and only He can give you strength in difficult times. Also remember that He will help you can come out of a trying situation as a better person if you deal with it positively.

    5. Remember God’s Names

    God has many beautiful Names which describe His attributes and powers. These are reminders of His Love, Mercy, Forgiveness, Justice, Strength and much, more. Supplicating to God using these Names reminds us that God has these attributes more than any other being and that we can and must rely on Him during good and bad times.

    6. Say ‘Hasbun Allahu wa Ni’ mal Wakeel‘;

    This has been translated as “God suffices me and He is the best guardian.” It is an excellent way of reminding us that whatever worries we have or problems we face, God has the answer and cure to all of them and is the only One who can really do what is best for us.

    7. Make sure when you leave home,

    you read this Dua ‘In the name of Allah, I place my trust in Allah, and there is no might nor power except with Allah.’ Bismillahe tawakkaltu alAllahe la haula wa la quwwata illa biAllah.

    8. Take your spiritual break from the world,

    five times a day Taking a break away from school, work or other life activities to spend a few minutes to remember God helps you reconnect with the Creator of the Universe, fortify your soul and strengthen your resolve to live a better life that is in tune with your faith and principles.

    9. End your day on a good note

    Shakespeare once wrote a play entitled “All’s well that ends well.” That’s good advice for dealing with depression too. End a day that may have been riddled with challenges and frustrations by making Wudu before going to bed, thinking of God and the Prophet and counting every blessings you have

    10. Stop Shaytan in his tracks

    Shaytan is the source of many of our negative emotions. It’s his job to make us feel pessimistic and to despair of any good in life. When you feel these feelings coming on, stop him dead in his tracks: say Aoutho billahi minash Shaytan ir Rajeem (I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed satan).

    I pray,Almighty will remove these pains from my heart,and make this post usefull for muslims brotehrs and sisters…


    slave of ALLAH SWT

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