In case you all haven’t noticed, it’s been eerily silent over here. I have things to write (God, you should see my drafts folder) but I’m trapped lately. Stopped up as efficiently as a river with a dam.
This seems to happen to me every once and a while – and I’ve begun to notice a pattern…without writing, I lose a little bit of myself, I get sad, mopey, whiny, selfish…I feel this insane need to write – but by that time I can’t think of anything nice to say (and I’m sure that a profanity, hate-filled blog would go over like a dead balloon) and so I don’t write and then the viscous circle starts.
I’ve danced around the topic of depression before – A stealthy little bugger that you don’t realize is there until it’s too late. I knew that I was wallowing in it for a while now…I even mentioned it to my close friends – tried my best to claw my way out…but it hasn’t worked.
Then, my brother (who also suffers with depression) posted this link. A game about depression? I thought – how stupid.
But I clicked.
And I cried.
I saw myself in there. I saw myself suffering silently – telling people I’m fine when really I just want to scream that I’m a shell of a human being walking around without feeling or hope.
Then, I made an appointment with my doctor. I’ve had enough of trying to get over this by thinking positive and eating right. There’s something WRONG here and it needs to be fixed.
I’ll let you know how it goes.